i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
