so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
