Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
