I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
