I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
