dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
