oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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