he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
