zippers are such a cool invention
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize