Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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