Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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