You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
