lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
