A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
