A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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