So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
