Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize