Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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