i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
