i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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