Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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