some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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