now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
