I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
