last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you have to choose: penises or morals?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
