question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
