My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
