LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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