Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
