either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
This house was built for laser tag.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
