i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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