i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
