You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
