i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
