i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
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