plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
