you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
