I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
