Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
