So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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