I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
