if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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