you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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