I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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