What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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