new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
