I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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