Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just pee around me
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I have peed in a lot of sinks
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
