Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he thought i was a dude.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
