he puts the penis in happiness.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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