Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
