your parents love me but you hate me
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
