im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We're too hungover to prance.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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