Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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